I’m sure many moms heard about Serena Williams postpartum challenges in her recent Time magazine article. Now, I am not an avid tennis fan. I’m not sure I can actually name more than 5 tennis players right now. But, Serena’s story touched so many people – primarily moms – and I personally cried when I read it.
You cried?
Yes, my heart ached for Serena, who struggled through a challenging birth and is wrestling with the conflicting emotions of being a working mother. I also cried because still – so many years into being a working mom – the pain of those early months is very raw. On top of it, every year since has presented new and different challenges (i.e., potty training night waking, behavior problems, worried about development delays, etc etc). These issues result in a rollercoaster of emotions that is never-ending.
Maybe it’s just Serena?
Hahaha…you must be a man. No, just kidding. Well, hmm…
What I love so much about this article is that Serena – even with all of her resources – cannot escape these typical postpartum challenges that every woman faces. There is something comforting about knowing that one of the mentally and physically strongest women out there struggles with the transition to motherhood.
I saw this firsthand when a colleague of mine returned from maternity leave after having her second child. She abruptly went back out a few weeks later because she couldn’t handle work and being a mom. Now this lady – like Serena Williams – was an Olympic champion. She knows hard work and pain. And, yet, managing her small children and her career was too overwhelming.
So, what I would like to say to all the new moms out there (including Serena Williams) is: can I give you a hug?
It’s so hard to navigate the word of working motherhood. So many conflicting emotions and just too many priorities, you’re never going to feel at peace…ever again. I just want to give a hug to everyone out there struggling with this.
The purpose of this post isn’t to share any advice on what a new mom should do. I’ve done that many times (see here, here, and here). In the spirit of giving hugs to new moms who need support, I am sharing Mrs. Type A’s guidance on how to support new moms in the work place. I consider any woman who had a baby in the last year to be a “new mom.” Not necessarily a first-time mom…even if you just had your third child in the last year, I consider you a “new mom” for this post.
Mrs. Type A’s guidance on how to support new moms at work:
1. Bring her water when you know she’s heading out to pump
I had a new mom working for me once and I knew what times she pumped at. I would always grab an extra cup of water before a meeting we had together, just before she’d head out to pump. She was always so frazzled (as was I in that stage), so she never drank enough water during the day. That said, she could always count on me to bring some to her!
2. Pick up lunch for her when you’re in the cafeteria (or sandwich shop, etc).
She is probably pumping during every lunch break. I skipped so many lunches when I was pumping, which is so counterproductive. But, I usually had to pump, eat, and pee at lunchtime and I could only ever fit in 2 of the 3. Sometimes I skipped the ladies room, but many times it was eating.
3. Offer to cover a meeting so she can step away to pump (or sleep in later / leave earlier)
I had a new peer coming into my department a few years back. She was still pumping, and I often offered to take notes and send them to her so she could skip meetings. So many meetings aren’t necessary (I think that is what every working mom has learned). She greatly appreciated it. Actually, we have since worked together to divide and conquer on some meetings. So, while neither of us is pumping, we still cover for each other so one of us can come in late / leave early.
4. If you have an office and a new mom does not, offer your office to her to pump
Pumping rooms are often scarce, or it’s hard to get the time you need. I always tell new moms coming back from maternity leave to let me know if they need a place to pump. I’m happy to step out of my office and work in our cafeteria for 20 minutes.
5. If you’re a boss, be sure you let your new mom know when she can come in late / leave early
I generally do not police my staff’s attendance. If I have a new mom working for me, I’m extra diligent at mentioning to her that she can come in late or leave early if she doesn’t have a meeting. As a new mom, I often felt guilty for leaving meetings to pump, or pick up a sick child who has yet another runny nose.
So, even if I didn’t have many meetings, I still felt compelled to tough out my regular hours because I was missing so much otherwise. But, I would have been better off sleeping in, or leaving a little earlier to have a less stressful evening. So, I make a point to be clear because a new mom is so overwhelmed she won’t realize it is OK.
6. Lend new moms an ear (and a tissue)
I have had so many new moms just break down and cry in my office. Whether they are dealing with sleep regression, mom guilt, milk supply issues…the endless list of things that can be upsetting is just too long. Sometimes, they need to let it out. Actually, probably, a lot of times they need to let it out. But, try to help them every once in a while.
Interesting enough, I felt most supported by a male manager (see here) when I came back from my second maternity leave. He had quite a few children, and learned how to be very supportive to a new mom. He was so accommodating of my schedule. I think that is why – to this day – he was my favorite manager and I would forever be loyal to him; he supported me when I needed it the most and I will always look favorably on him for that.
So, with that, I’d love to hear your thoughts on Serena Williams’ article. And, how you felt support or offer support to new moms! Leave comments below!
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