How to Overcome Fear of Leadership

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5 years ago

I started this blog almost 1 year ago. A bit on a whim, but I thought it would be an exciting way to reflect on my career journey to date, and to help other professional women develop in their career paths. As I look back, I realize that I’ve spent a lot of my posts focusing on how professional women can become business leaders. While I’m not exactly sure why I’ve gravitated to those topics, I suspect it could be because I struggled with my journey to leadership. To be honest, I never sought out the path of becoming a senior leader in my organization. In fact, I had a fear of leadership and hoped I could make a meaningful career without ever having to enter management.

Well, things didn’t exactly go that way. I’ve embarked on an exciting journey to a senior leadership position due to a combination of opportunity and amazing managers who believed in and supported me. And, I couldn’t be more grateful.

I suspect I am not the only person who was afraid of becoming a leader. If fact, I have mentored many women who were hesitant to take on these responsibilities. I thought I’d share how I overcame my fear of leadership in the hopes that others can open their minds to the opportunities that may come up.

How to Overcome A Fear of Leadership

First, I think it’s important to clarify why someone would have a fear of leadership. To many, this is probably very confusing; many people jump at the chance for promotions. However, a few of us — well, likely, introverted — people may be very hesitant.

Here were the key reasons why I was afraid to become a leader:

Scared of criticism: I have perfectionist tendencies and didn’t want to be exposed to having criticism from direct reports (on top of criticism I already face from managers and peers).
Uncomfortable giving feedback: I can be a people pleaser who wanted to avoid difficult conversations. I wasn’t sure I’d have the guts to tell someone they weren’t doing a good job, and defend that perspective in the face of push back.
Introvert: I wasn’t sure I had the personality to connect to my staff. I like a lot of alone time, and need it to think clearly and perform my job. I wasn’t sure I would be able to be personable and approachable when I needed to be.
Too practical: I worried I couldn’t be visionary and inspirational because I’m very focused on being practical.
Scared to make big decisions: Wasn’t sure I would have the guts to make tough decisions and pull them through.
Public speaking: hate it. Enough said.

Ok, yikes. It actually saddens met to see all this written down. I can’t believe I let myself think this way. When I look at this, I realize there is a lot of “I wasn’t sure…” or “I worried that…” I had NO tangible proof that I wouldn’t be able to be successful as a leader.

(See other reasons in this great article: https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/7-fears-need-overcome-effective-leader/)

So, what can you do about your Fear of Leadership?

1. Get Perspective

One of the biggest influencers for me to get over my fear of leadership is to learn that…..

….leaders are scared too!

Over the years, I worked directly with my company’s most senior leaders. I saw them worry just as much as I did about big decisions and tough conversations. They, too, were nervous before big presentations.

My whole world changed when, after one meeting with senior leaders (mostly male), one turned to me and asked if what he said was stupid (it was a wee bit stupid, but I’ll address that in the next tip).

I realized that everyone has a similar worry as me about being a leader. But you can choose to let it get in your way …. or just accept it as part of life and move on up in your company.

Honestly, I needed to just get out of my head. And I’m glad I did.

2. No one care as much as you do

So remember above when someone asked me if what he said was stupid? And it kinda was.

Well, no one cared. No one fired him because his comment was less than informed (and slightly irrational).

Why is that?

Because no one really cares. Everyone is too self absorbed and worried if what they said was stupid to even realize that others say odd things all the time.

It was freeing to let go (a bit) of that fear.

3. Seek help

The biggest “ah ha” for me as a leader is guy, the higher you go, the less answers you have. You need more help because your scope is bigger and there is just no way you can know everything.

I rely heavily on my HR, Finance, and other functional partners. And, I identified peers who were great at things I struggled with, such as public speaking. I go to them for help…a lot.

So, if I had to give tough feedback to someone, I frequently consult HR and then run my proposed approach by some colleagues.

Leaders need advisors. Think of the President. No, not our current President. Just think of the role of a country leader. He or she has dozens of advisors before making a decision. You need the same set of advisors.

4. Take it 1 day at a time.

The burden of taking on the many demands of leadership, from big presentations, tough conversations, etc can be crushing. You don’t need to do all of that the first day of the job. Maybe even some of those things even in the first year.

Take the challenges as they come. Don’t worry about all of them at once!

5. Leverage your worry.

Your worrying is telling you that you may need to prepare for something. Take action!!

If you are worried about a big presentation….well, then practice.

Concerned about a decision? Well, talk to peers who faced similar decisions and learn from them.

Turn your worry into your superpower!

In conclusion, it’s totally normal to fear taking a leadership position. In fact, if you weren’t at least a bit concerned, then I’d probably tell you that you really don’t understand what will be expected of you as a leader. Just take a deep breath, take it a step at a time and go. Enjoy the ride!!

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