How to Handle a Backstabbing Coworker

admin

6 years ago

As a Type A, you’re focused on how to deliver great work and have a big impact. But not all your colleagues are like you. Some of them focus just on looking good to the boss and getting ahead. And they’ll do anything to come out on top, including lying, cheating, and stealing. What can you do about your backstabbing coworker?

In my two decades in the workplace, I’ve seen all kinds of crazy things backstabbing coworker(s) have done to get ahead. Some of the worst include:

“Telling” on a peer if they leave early
Holding back key information from a colleague so he or she will fail
Spreading lies (or undesirable truths) to damage someone’s reputation
Waiting until a public forum to explain why someone’s project may have some flaws (even though they had a previous opportunity to give feedback)
Tried to pass off another person’s idea as their own
Managers claiming they were aware of their direct report’s project when they realized the VP didn’t like it

I’ve been very disappointed with what people will do in the name of self-promotion (or self-preservation). The darkest point of my career occurred when I had a backstabbing coworker (let’s call her “Claudia”) who would deny knowledge of important business updates I shared with her and decisions we had jointly made. As a result, I looked quite incompetent to my manager. I honestly worried I would get fired.

So what did I do?

Here we go….

How to Handle a Backstabbing Coworker

I did the following 3 things to address my backstabbing coworker. I explain each of them below, but before I get there I want to clarify that these aren’t steps meant to be completed sequentially. Instead, these are independent ideas.

Some ideas may work, some may not. You may not need to do all of them, perhaps only one. In other words, these are ideas to consider, not necessarily a roadmap to follow.

So with that….

1. Documentation

Keep notes of your conversations with the backstabbing coworker. Consider setting up time with him/her, and developing an agenda to send before the meeting so there’s no confusion about what you will discuss. Then document any notes/decisions during the discussion. After the meeting, send your notes to the backstabbing coworker later as a record.

In my example above, after every meeting I had with Claudia, I would follow up with an email saying something like, “Great talking to you today, Claudia. I’m glad you agreed that my team would do ABC next quarter. You committed to asking Bob on your team to work with Molly on my team to ensure XYZ is completed before end of year. Let me know if I misunderstood where we landed…” I would cc myself on that email, and file it for future reference.

The key benefit of this documentation was that, whenever she would deny knowledge of something we discussed or agreed to, I would pull up the email from our discussion. I would simply ask if my notes were incorrect.

That only happened 2-3 times before she realized she wouldn’t get away with lying anymore. One of those disagreements happened directly in front of my boss, who realized what was really going on when Claudia said “I don’t know about something.”

This may also be helpful if your backstabbing coworker is stealing your ideas. You can document when you shared the idea with that individual so he or she cannot say they developed the idea themselves later.

2. Work around them

Does your backstabbing coworker have direct reports or a boss or peer you would work with instead? In the example above. I also started working with Claudia’s direct reports more often. When she claimed to be unaware of something, I would tell her to follow up with the people on her team who I had been working with for more information. If she was truly unaware, it became someone else’s problem (not mine).

This can help you avoid interacting with someone who may want to steal your idea as well. They can’t steal your idea if you don’t talk to them about it!

3. Involve others

If more people see the behavior, you will be in a better place. You might want to consider having a public forum (such as a steering committee meeting, status meeting, feedback session, etc) to share information and include your backstabbing co-worker. This way, more people can observe and attest to what happened. And, as such, it’s much harder to claim they didn’t know or to steal your idea later.

4. Keep your manager updated

If you give regular updates to your manager on your activities, it’s hard for someone later to say they didn’t know or to pass an idea off as theirs.

5. Be honest about your mistakes

If you’re honest about your mistakes with your manager and others, then people are more likely to believe you when it comes down to your word vs. that of your backstabbing coworker.

6. Confront the person directly

You could consider discussing the backstabbing behavior directly with the coworker. If they said they didn’t know something or tried to pass off an idea as their own, you could encourage them to clarify the truth with others. Give them a chance to right the wrong. Your backstabbing coworker may be less likely to repeat this behavior if they know they will be confronted.

In this survey, only 41% of people confronted the backstabbing coworker directly!

In the end…

If you are in this situation, I am very empathetic. It’s very challenging when a coworker thinks they can get away with bad behavior. That said, I believe that people who exhibit this behavior will pay for their choices. In the examples I shared at the top, in each case, the wrongdoer ended up having to face the consequences of their behavior. They either didn’t get a promotion or were let go in a re-org. Their behavior may allow for a near term “win” but, in the long run, it catches up with them. So, have patience!

I’d love to hear more about what you all do in this situation! Leave comments below!